From the Fair And Balanced Newsroom:
Hillary Clinton Refuses to Release Pictures of Urinating in a Public Fountain
Hillary Clinton has been proven to be a human being, although statements of this fact have not yet been released by her campaign. Furthermore, they have failed to disclose that she is subject to disease and aging, eats daily, how many times a day she uses the toilet, and exactly how many sheets of toilet paper she uses per bathroom visit. "I think Hillary probably doesn't use toilet paper. I haven't seen her use any." Donald Trump announced at a rally earlier today. Many speculate what she may be hiding about her toilet paper use, or lack thereof.
It has been noted that, unlike Donald Trump, she has 2 X chromosomes and is therefore frail, lies, and isn't very fun to listen to. "Her voice reminds me of my mother, my mother-in-law, my ex-wife, and my sixth grade reading teacher. For some reason, Donald Trump's voice doesn't affect me that way." Kenny Mipainonly, a Trump supporter in Fort Wayne, Indiana explains. "I just want Muslims and Mexicans thrown out of the country and have a beer with David Duke, and it deeply offends me to be called mean names like "racist" and "xenophobic" by some b***** for stating my opinion."
Donald Trump stated that it is very unfortunate that Hillary Clinton has 2 X chromosomes and he will reveal audits of his Y chromosome very soon. Furthermore, he is known to be inhuman, and therefore not subject to aging. When asked if he is subject to oxidation and rust, he said this is an advantage and makes him stronger and a better leader, as anyone can plainly see.
Because Hillary Clinton has been revealed by an FBI commission to be human, there is much speculation as to whether she will be replaced as a candidate for the presidency by Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, or anyone else attached to a white penis, and therefore harboring the possibility of immortality, as well as the hope to surpass the arc of Vladimir Putin's urine trajectory in a public fountain.
There is much speculation about this and we will continue to report every speculation as the utmost newsworthy item to report. We will continue to demand pictures of Hillary Clinton's lack of urinating in public fountains on a daily, even hourly basis to best serve our deserving public until such demands are met.
Also posted at http://lavendertook.dreamwidth.org/2048